I began to study the New Testament as a child for the first time while on my mission. The reason it was important to approach it as a child was because I had all these pre-conceived notions and beliefs that didn’t leave any room for learning. It was like I had a full cup and was trying to dump more in but it just poured down the sides and was lost. I emptied the cup of all the LDS Church’s, Prophet’s, all my leaders’ interpretations and my own as well and humbled myself to God’s Word and told God that I wanted to know His truth from His Word, no matter what that meant for me, no matter if I had been wrong all my life, I just wanted to know God’s Truth. I learned that the Bible interprets itself and I decided not to fill in the gaps and just trust it as it’s written. Just like Jesus said in Matt. 18:3-4, unless I changed and humbled myself like a child I would never enter the kingdom of heaven.
The Bible verse that hit me the hardest was Matt. 24:12 where Jesus says “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” I had never really looked at myself in the sense that I was exalting myself, but when I read that I suddenly realized that I was. It was so hard for me to keep myself humble as a Mormon male, especially as a missionary. Those two years you are seriously treated like gods. When my companion and I would walk into a Ward building the members would flock to us as if we were movie stars and when we came to their houses for meals they would want to get pictures with us and the teenage daughters would flirt with us and want to sit next to us, it was hard not to let it get to your head. We were telling people that we belonged to the “only true and living church on the face of the whole earth”, and that we held the very power of God, the Melchezidek Priesthood, which no one else but worthy Mormon males held. It was an elitist club and we felt like we were on the top of it. It was like when you are in High School and you go through freshman, sophomore, junior years, and then you are finally a senior, and you strut around the halls looking down at all those in the younger grades with your head held high in arrogance. I shamefully admit that I had that attitude in High School and while I was in the Mormon Church, and how can you not?
With one of my major weaknesses being pride it was almost impossible not to elevate myself in my mind.
Our Mission President’s father-in-law was Elder Wirthlin of the 12 Apostles. He came to visit the mission for a big conference and we were all strictly instructed to stand when he entered the room and to stay standing until he had sat down and then we could all be seated. I remember as a youth passing and blessing the Sacrament. We would bless it and then stand there on the platform waiting until all the deacons had reached their first row and passed the trays. Before anyone could eat any bread or water a tray was given to the Bishopric and they had to be the first person to eat or drink. If a Stake President or High Councilmen, or Area Seventy, or any position upward was present on the stand with the Bishopric then they were served first and then the Bishopric, then everyone else. I didn’t see it at the time but it is so blatantly Pharisaical. Look at what Jesus reprimands the Pharisees for in Matt. 24:5-7, “They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others.” They do all their deeds to be seen by others, they wear nice suits that stand out, trying to appear “righteous” and “holy”, and they love the seats of honor at meetings and conferences and they love to be called “Bishop”, or “Apostle” or “Prophet”. Why aren’t the Bishops the ones that pass the Sacrament to the congregation?
We led worship at a church in Salt Lake City while we were in Utah in September and we had Communion with the congregation. We got up and walked to the front where the Pastor handed us a piece of unleavened bread and gave it to each one and said as he dropped it in our hands “The body of Christ broken for you”. And then he handed us a little cup of grape juice, fruit of the vine, and said “The blood of Christ shed for you” and handed us the cup. Once everyone had one of each we all sat down and he read the Last Supper from the Bible and then we ate and drank. He served us, that’s what leaders in the Body of Christ are supposed to do, serve, not be served.
Jesus said that those who exalt themselves will be humbled and I hope that those men humble themselves before God before God humbles them. He also says in Matt. 24:11 that the greatest among us should be our servant, so under those guidelines, the 12-year old Deacons and 14-year old Teachers are the greatest in the Ward, above the Bishop. Jesus came not be served but to serve, and He is greater than all of us (Matt. 20:28). The LDS Church is like a pyramid and you try to climb the ladder for promotion and the lesser calling-holders serve the higher-calling holders, but it should be that the 12 Apostles are the lowest and serve everyone else, lifting them above themselves, as Paul did in 1 Cor. 4:9-13 saying that he and the other Apostles of the Lamb were a spectacle to the world, fools for Christ’s sake, weak, held in disrepute, hunger, thirst, poorly dressed, buffeted, homeless, labor with their hands, reviled, persecuted, slandered, like the scum of the world, and like the refuse of all things. He compares the Apostles to the Christians by saying that the Christians are wise in Christ, strong, and held in honor. The Apostles of the LDS Church are not the Apostles of the Lamb, they “claim that in their boasted mission they work on the same terms as [Apostles of the Lamb] do. For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds” (2 Cor. 11:12-15).
God showed me that I was exalting myself and needed to humble myself and submit to His Word. When I read the Bible with that approach it was as if I had brand-new eyes and could see for the very first time. I read passages that I had read many times before but this time I understood how they applied to me and I was convicted by my sin. I realized how much I needed to rely on Jesus and I confessed myself a sinner shortly after my mission and accepted Jesus into my heart and life. I still struggle in my flesh with my pride but I have no condemnation because I am in Christ Jesus (Rom. 8:1) and I praise God that it’s not by my works or my own doing that I am saved (Eph. 2:8-9), but it is only by the grace of God as a free gift (Rom. 6:23), and by that gift I know I have eternal life (1 John 5:13). God bless.
